Monthly Archives: June 2007

Society as demonstrated by the Bicycle Rider

Living and working here (in a village just outside of a hi-tech city riddled with universities) I get to see a LOT of bikers moving in and around the city. After some time I’ve noticed that it is possible to determine the type of person by the outfit/bike/demeanor package presented by the rider. In fact, one could say that any particular biker is a caricature of a certain social group.

Examples:

  • The ‘hard-core’ biker. This biker is very much into biking as a way of life and dresses accordingly and appropriately for the way they intend to bike (think biker shorts with proper padding, sleek helmet, tight aerodynamic shirt with corporate sponsors for which they may or may not be receiving endorsements from) . The hard-core biker is aware of his surroundings, confident and knows how to leverage his high-end equipment. He/she follows the rules of the road and can co-exist with other bikers and motor vehicle drivers. They may sometimes get trampled by a car but this is usually because of the motorist who does not know how to pass a biker on the country road who is moving at such a high velocity. The hard-core biker is representative of the successful middle-class working person who is successful at their job and also within other social circles. A few examples are: entrepreneurs, athletic hi-techies (considered a rare breed), CEOs, well adjusted university students, at-home moms with goal oriented approaches, leaders of groups and organizations (perhaps even leaders of clergy).
  • The ‘hard-core wannabe’ biker. This is the biker who is not necessarily into biking but wants to give the impression that this is the case in order to fulfill some shallow emotional void. He/she will buy the expensive bike and the apparel (but typically in extremely gaudy colours and poorly fitting) but will not know how to properly use the equipment. They are a menace to other bikers and motorists due to their unpredictability and carelessness. These types of people represent the loafers and coattailers of the world. The ones who get to coast through life because they were born or married into money. Examples: Paris Hilton, movie stars, at home wives/hubbies of wealthy S.O.’s.
  • The motorized biker. This is the biker who is not a biker. They drive big SUVs and other over the top luxury cars. They motorized biker is too rich to be seen on the road biking as it detracts from their image of wealth. They are so self-centred and have many other ways to fill emotional voids that they have no desire to become a hard-core wannabe. Think politicians here.
  • The recreational biker. This biker can be seen on an economical yet dependable bike wearing comfortable fitting clothing. May also be seen on tandem bikes. They are not fully familiar with the rules of the road and can be seen with and without helmet and perhaps a few ‘bike-lings’ following behind. They may or may not even be overly athletic. More often than not they bike on paths or sidewalks and are looking to get outdoors, get some exercise and bond with family and friends. The biking aspect is really secondary. This group also consists of hard-cores who are having a break from their need for speed and are fulfilling other interests at the time. So the recreational biker encompasses the same type of person as hard-core but also those who ‘work to live’ as opposed to ‘live to work’, or a healthy combination of both. The recreational biker represents the most common member of society. Your everyday Joe America. (BTW, for those of you who don’t know an ‘American’ is someone from the Western Hemisphere. Those yankees stole it from us and we should take it back).
  • The nerd/outcast biker. This biker is seen on an unusual adaptation of the standard bicycle. We’re talking recumbants, grown-up tricycles and unicycles. Think university profs, scientists, eccentric millionaires, clowns, buskers and role-playing (i.e. D&D) junkies. And hey, the world needs a clown or a level 3 elf with maximum hit points and +20 constitution so please leave them alone.
  • The end-of-lifing (EOL) hardcore biker. The EOL hardcores can be seen in their high-end gear, but they are no longer aware of their surroundings or they don’t care about their surroundings, or are making a statement about their relation to their surroundings. They are still athletic and were once or still are major contributors to the cogs of business and society. But they have taken on a ‘I am better than you’ attitude. This is exhibited by their biking etiquette. They no longer want to share the road with motor vehicles and can be seen in groups 3-4 wide ‘pelatons’ on country roads clogging up the traffic and assuming they have priority of the road. They no longer feel as much of a need for co-operation since they’ve put in their time so to speak. The EOL hardcore biker is representative of a CEO who got really fat off the hog or a retired control-freak soccer mom to name a couple. Take the high road when you see these bikers on the road and give them wide berth. I am in no way suggesting that you nudge them with the front bumper of your car as you pass them by.
  • The old-time biker. These are the grandmas and grandpas of the world. They are still using the same bike they had 50 years ago: requires a LOT of fuel to work it, is not very ergonic but is dependable. Like a Caprice Classic. If it’s rusty and squeaky so what. They call that character. Some bikes can be seen with sofa covers on them or looking like your grandparents living room. They move slowly but are content and have a wizened look about them. You get this sense that they have figured something out that you haven’t.
  • The university biker. Mainly seen in university towns particularly near campus. This biker is normally seen biking on the wrong side of the road oblivious to the world. They are a danger to themselves and pay no attention at intersections. If the motorist is not careful the university biker will most certainly end up pinned under the car. Pedestrians also need to be careful as this biker tends to feel safer riding on the sidewalk. Caution for both motorist and walker must be used 12 months of the year since, as the only mode of transportation other than foot, the university biker will be out there even in the depth of winter with 14 feet of snow on the ground. If you look closely at the biker, you may catch a glimpse of a 1970-80’s “ram’s horn” ten speeder! Rare indeed. Also note the big line of mud and water that has sprayed up the backside of the biker himself. Although humiliating to most, the university biker cares not for this and is not even aware that he has massive soil marks up and down his back. The university biker is representative of the student population: they are not aware of their surrounds (as can also be seen by university pedestrians who NEVER look both ways before crossing the road at some random location) and have no grasp of reality.
  • The Bike-ling. Kids. No need to say more.
  • The ‘blight on society’ biker. This biker is best understood by describing his/her appearance (most commonly his). This is the biker you see dressed in old worn jeans or cut-off jeans exposing sickly legs with dirty socks and worn out old ‘Sonic’ sneakers. They may or may not be wearing a shirt. If they are wearing a shirt it’s most definitely soiled with the sleeves cut off or perhaps just a ‘muscle’ shirt (muscles themselves not present). Upon their head can often be seen a old cap displaying the NASCAR logo or an NFL football team logo. A mullet usually flowing out the back. A moustache and sunglasses adorn their face. They are riding a ram’s horn ten-speed but the handle-bars have been adjusted so that they are more-or-less upside down so that they can ride more upright instead of crouched over. This allows them to carry the empty case of beer that they are taking back to store for replacement. For yes, this is the welfare dependant.  The suspended driver’s license guy.

This is just a small set of examples that demonstrate how closely the biker nation reflects society.  Behaviour of humanity comes through in all forms of life.

A plea to MTO – there’s gotta be a better way!

On Mother’s Day this year, the three of us were heading down to the Jays game to celebrate the motherhood of Sonia.  We left at 11:00.  At 10:45 that morning, a truck exploded on the 401 just shy of the Milton/Hwy25 cutoff.  Total and complete shutdown.  

Without the radio on we had no idea something was wrong until just after the 6 South cutoff.  Rounding a corner we saw a lot of cars flashing a lot of brakelights.  Instantly we knew we were fried.  Those familiar with the area know there are not many exits there and at this point we knew not were the accident was.  Which by the way was still about 20kms up the road.

On a beautiful sunny Mother’s Day, high of around 20 Celsius with 4 Jays tickets in hand, a toddler slept in the back seat (thank God), 2 adults listened to that same Jays game for which the tickets provided admission.  On a scratchy AM frequency (570am).  Which is just a few clicks away from 680am where there are 10 minute updates on traffic throughout the day.  A day we should have been listening to this station as soon as we left the driveway.  A station we will always listen to when leaving the driveway and frequently on any road trip through TO on the 401.

For this would have been a way to prevent the 5 hr jam that ensued.  I’ve been in traffic jams before but this beats them all.  It can drive a person to extremes.  I admit I was not able to manage the situation very well and slipped into a serious state of depression and edginess.  Sonia and OG were able to keep it together quite easily which was a very humbling experience to say the least.

The icing on the preverbial cake of crap was that the traffic reports at one point indicated that 2 (two) lanes had opened up.  Just at that moment what seemed at the time a result of this but was later explained by something far idiotic and controllable by MTO and OPP:  the traffic sped up.  Able to get to 80kms an hr for about 5 clicks which meant we coasted past the next available exit.  But no need to get off right?  The lanes are opening and the traffic is moving…..for about 2 more kms and then deadlock again.  For another 2 hrs.

Eventually we made it through.  When we got to the scene there were NO lanes open.  Just the shoulder where 3 lanes of traffic were squeezing in, including transport trucks that WERE ONCE NOT ALLOWED ON THE 401 ON SUNDAYS.

Wha happened to the 2 lanes?  This is were the idiots come out of the woodworks.  Obviously there was a !#$% up.  MTO/OPP were not properly communicating and I believe this is what happened and I KNOW I can’t be proven wrong:  The poor channels of communication sent misinformation down the road to the closest exit we were reaching way back in the beginning of this mess.  When they were told that there were lanes opening up, they re-opened the 401 at our closest exit.  This is why there was this unfortunately timed speed up when we heard the ‘good’ news on the radio.

OK, so we were victims of circumstance.  The kicker to this whole thing is that after having some dinner and then driving home a couple of hrs later, they still hadn’t opened any lanes.  For the next 25kms there was bumper to bumper.  Basically back towards KW before the 6N cutoff to Guelph.  Why in God’s name had MTO/OPP not re-closed the ramps onto the 401?  What sort of sadistic madman runs this show?  I was truly sorry for these people.  Especially those who were still about 2kms from knowing their fate.  Except for one guy I saw backing up and working his way back to the exit he just passed.  A VERY dangerous move but highly profitable if he pulled it off.  I wasn’t sorry for that guy.

So, I plea:  what can be done to prevent this?  It seems like a simple enough solution to resolve.  I have some ideas: 

1)  Use more of those ‘info’ signs you see plenty of in the TO area.  You know, the ones that say:  ‘Expressway slow.  Collectors moving well’.  Compare the time/money loss of that traffic jam with the one time cost of setting up some more of these in logical areas along the 401.  People could then be forewarned to get off on an earlier exit.

2)  Have well placed service road exit-only locations.  Exits that don’t really get you anywhere useful except in emergency cases.  You see these all the time in the US on major highways.

These are just 2.  Couple that with much better situational training of how to deal with these situations and make sure everyone’s on the same page will go a long way.  Just by shutting down exits when they should be shut down is a big step in the right direction.  Don’t waste our time when it’s simple to resolve!

20 words for May

  • Vegas in the Excalibur
  • Tara and her friends
  • $2500 on the craps table
  • poker too serious these days in Vegas
  • Guillain-Barre Syndrome (keep getting better Mom)
  • trips to London Hospital
  • vegetable garden planted 1 week after May 24
  • 2nd annual scramble at The Fox (with Tim, Dave and Sonia)
  • Global Warming = hot days in May and cold days in May not much in between
  • Power outages
  • OG playing on her new slide.  Loves the playground
  • Sign up for the Butterfly Learning Center
  • Sonia books the camper for another trip this July
  • Al Gore who?  Could be an Inconvenient President perhaps?
  • “The Mother’s Day trip to the Ball Game stuck on the 401 for 5 hrs because a truck full of school supplies exploded” fiasco.